stuff i wrote
POEMS
>Perspective
>A Mother's Lesson
>revision
>I am a killer
>Superstition
>Mole
>Letter
>Variation
>Sight
>Requests
>Bow Down to Reality
>The Dreaded
>Needed Explanations
>Misuse
>What a Picture with Worth
>For the Top of the Hill...
>Dare to Discover
Perspective
I once asked a vagrant sitting on the Marketplace sidewalk, with his
Layers of ripped, mismatched sweats and rotten egg stench:
How could you possibly live like this?
Then he gazed back at my disgusted face and the
clean, crisp surface of my well-ironed blue suit,
and said the same.
A Mother's Lesson
My mother used to warn me about
things when I was younger:
like how reading in dim light would damage
my eyes, and how I could catch a cold if
I happened to go to bed with my hair still wet.
(Are you sure?
Of course I am. I'm your mother.)
I only believed her then because I was
forced to--my mother, like all mothers,
was invincible,
and there was no way I could argue with her.
I hated that.
It wasn't until my year before
optometry school that I discovered
opposition to her wisdom:
Reading in dim light only causes fatigue at most,
and colds come from viruses, not sleeping with wet hair.
I was ecstatic.
I had finally reached the day when I could prove her
wrong, tell her that her omnipotence was limited
and that she really didn't know
Everything.
Arriving back home, I proudly
walked up the stairs to my mother's room, creaked
open the door to find her weeping helplessly
on her bed--curtains shut closed,
the room a mess, strewn tissues landing like
parachutes upon the flower-print comforter.
I closed the door.
She already knew.
revision
A poem is never finished, only abandoned." --Paul Valery
our relationship lasted for mere weeks:
we laid intertwined amidst excitement and
enthralling passion--weeks made out of moments,
moments made from muses
we were joined.
times of separation overcome by
my maddening obsession
as yet again and again I returned to you
hungry for your sweetening solace
and the comfort of your words.
then like the last remnants of brilliant red
fading away into the ashes
my fascination dwindled.
words were thrown out without
reason, hastiness shortened our bond,
as I became drawn into a more tempting interest.
but still I wonder
what more I could have done
to salvage what we had
and to perhaps create a
marvelous entitiy that the world has
never witnessed before.
I am a killer
You look at me in disgust--tsk, tsk you diapprovingly whisper. Yes, I am a killer
Who terrorizes families and their sense of comfort
Who molests young children while pretending to be their friend
Who breaks side windows quietly to catch the family by surprise
Who leaves ransom notes asking for money to be placed in overseas bank accounts
Who feels no remorse
Whose face graces the cover of every major newspaper or magazine
Who becomes the focus of a movie that wins best picture
Who has finally attained the fame I desired
Who wonders where my share of the profits went
Who destroys villages and bystanders with tanks and missiles
Who is deeply hated by the families of the dead
Who is given a parade upon returning to my home country
Who is called an honored veteran and the ultimate American
Who is a hero
Who is sold in dark alleys and in the classroom
Who swims through red water, thirsty for an attack
Who makes schoolchildren weep and loved ones scarred
Who pulls the plug
Who tears you apart with stares and words
Who cracks a bird's neck and calls it dinner
Who crushes the flower beneath my sole
Who kills without mercy
Who hurts without inhibition
Who doesn't even know it
Who doesn't want to be
Who denies being one
Who is closer than you think.
Superstition
You look at me as if I'm more than
a daughter--but a mirror
reflecting everything that you
should have been. God
forbid the seven years bad luck you'll be
cursed with should I break.
Mole
You want me to think that I am just
an ordinary middle aged woman
with ordinary dusty black hair
and ordinary lips upon an ordinary head--
but I know what you're really looking at.
You can't help but stare--
yes I see you.
You can't help but giggle--
these ears were made for something.
It's that protruding black lump on the side of my chin.
It's just a mole, I say.
but you can't help it, and you can't help it.
Did I ask for your help?
There was a time when i cared what you thought,
thought that you all wrote the book of ME
when I rocked in my rocking chair
Back and forth
shaking at the image of myself
Back and forth
remembering the looks on your perfect faces
and the motion you made when you laughed at me,
Back and forth.
I wanted to have nothing to do with the thing--
That black hole of inconceivable misery,
That black hole of torment and consequence,
That black hole of irrepentable sin for being born on such
an ugly child.
But you can't separate us, I say
that speck of darkness is my sister
and I'm standing on the edge
ready to fall into her,
Back and forth.
Letter
Dear Grandpa,
Do you remember me? I would forgive you if you didn't--I'd almost understand. I remember how you would take care of me when I was young--feeding me rice with fish sauce, and putting hot water in a bowl so that I could wash my hands even though I couldn't reach the sink. There was always a quiet wisdom about you, a warm and inviting smile amidst an aura of sincerity. Please believe me when I say that I am sorry I didn't visit you when you stayed in the convalescent home. Grandma told me how you would call out my name sometimes and wonder where I was--half dreaming in your transient periods, half taken by the leash of your stroke. The half of you that was paralyzed must have been the part of me that didn't come. I never came, and I'm sorry. I didn't care as much as I do now until received that phone call, and I'm sorry. You're gone now, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but my words cannot reach you. So I will lay this letter down on this cold, solid rock--your new home--hoping that when you wake up, you'll understand.
Love always,
Rosemarie
variation
you said that we were meant to be
that things couldn't separate
what we had
under the cold, black sky
you'd hold me close
and point out to me
that one shining star in the darkness--
it was shining for us.
we'd talk of the future and what lied ahead:
after all, it was OUR future.
but words held no meaning.
they faded away like sand
falling in the wind.
falling in between our fingers--
like us...miles apart in our minds,
yet standing eye to eye.
there were other things to be seen.
other things to be done.
no time for the dreams we once envisioned
or the moments we loved to share--
together.
what was meant to be, really wasn't.
our hands didn't grip as tightly to each other as they did in the past.
then, slowly and discreetly,
we turned back to back
and walked on.
perhaps one day,
i'll turn around and see you standing there;
your hand resting on my shoulder
and the same glimmer in your eyes
that i remember so fondly.
then again, maybe one day,
i'll turn around,
with memories flowing out of my heart
and a hopeful spark in my soul,
...to find nothing there.
Sight
A man was born blind,
But he saw more than me.
He feared not the lurking shadows
or the temper of the sea.
He could not see the sunset
or the beauty of the land
He missed the smile of a child
as the child took his hand.
He was deprived of the magic
of that star-lit hazy sky
And the eyes that swelled with tears
as his daughter started to cry.
But he could not see the skin
that sets mankind apart.
Or the appearance of a woman
when he stole the young girl's heart.
He told me I was beautiful
more than the human eye could see.
He said he knew me for who I was
not just who I wished to be.
He said, "People look equal to me,"
"It's foolish for them to fight."
Yes, this man was born blind,
but he was given the gift of sight.
If only people could see,
that sight is the path to lies.
And the only way you can truly love
is to tightly close your eyes.
Requests
I want to smile
but the world tells me "no."
I want to sing out
but they tell me to speak low.
I want to have another chance
but people can't forget.
I want to move on with my life
but all I ever do is regret.
I want to share my ideas
but the world won't permit.
I want to make friends
but some say I don't fit.
I want to achieve
but they said I'm unable.
I want to be understood
but they mark me with labels.
I want to learn more
but they say knowledge brings rebellion.
I want few troubles
but life hands me a million.
I want to be helped
but some try not to see.
I want to make my own choices
but my peers keep pressuring me.
I want to heal the world
but no one even cares.
I want to live the perfect life
but then I find out it's unfair.
I want to find love in the world
but all I get are heartaches.
I want to share with others
but all they know is to take.
I want to be myself
in a world that won't let.
There are many things that I want
including many that I'll never get.
Bow Down to Reality
A kid buys drug in an alley
Thinking that he's got power in his hand
The dealer's glad all that education in schools
Haven't torn the threads of his plan.
A flag waves over a broken country
Respect goes to it without question.
For it represents all the glory
Of this free-for-all killing nation.
Without warning the lions come prowling at night
To prey upon the hate for which some yearn
Ready to ignite the fire
Until it rises, rises and burns.
I've tried to hide the other part of me
Ever since my time in this place began.
But it will be revealed when the whole building
Explodes at the whim of a madman.
--Then, that's the frightful thing.
--I'm at the whim of myself.
Help release me
But I'll be released into a world where I'll drown.
I want to be free
But I am free to be tied down.
Freedom is nothing left.
Slavery is torment.
We need to be free within ourselves, yet
Imprisoned in our own good judgement.
Save me from reality
And from my imagination as well.
I know the Earth will crumble and plummet someday
Or have we already fell?
The Dreaded
Ripping, roaring
endless frustration
--falling
----failing
massive brain explosion
thought of anger
throughts of fear
beware of flyingbits of fingernails
a storm is
L O O S E
inside your head
rain
from palms
e A r T h Q u A k E
legs
others think that it's
a breeze
you stare
and stare
no sense at all
piles
--and
----piles
of confusion
unfamiliar questions
thump thump
--thump thump
----thump thump
you can hear your heart beating
*gulp*
--RRRRRIIINNGGGG!!!!!--
*sigh*
it's finally over
you look at your test paper
it's completely
-------blank-------
Needed Explanations
Someone tell me why life isn't fair,
Why it feels like no one has ever been there.
When you try to smile but nothing appears,
Except for your cheeks, dripping with tears.
Someone tell me why life is so tough,
Why it's never on your side, why it is so rough.
When no one understands you, but tries to not see
The hurt you are feeling and the success you can't be.
Someone tell me why life's so unclear,
When what you have to live on is resentment and fear.
Why time won't let you win, the world won't permit...
And your dark secrets are more than you'd like to admit.
Someone tell me why life has to change,
To fit with the crowd you have to rearrange.
The memories you have known are all that you've got
And away in the distance are the dreams that you've sought.
Someone tell me why life is so hard,
So that it leaves your heart torn, broken and scarred.
When you feel like you're walking through life all alone,
'Cause you've lost all the friends that you've ever known.
Someone tell me why life goes by so fast
While you try with all your might to just make it last.
I've been looking for that answer and I'll never quit,
Too bad I wasted all that time in life just looking for it.
Misuse
If God gave you eyes,
Why do you cut me with them?
If God gave you mouths,
Why do you speak not the truth?
If God gave you noses,
Why do you raise them up so high?
If God gave you hands,
Why do you deprive?
If God gave you a heart,
Why do you hate?
If eyes were meant for seeing,
How can you be so blind?
If mouths were meant for eating,
How can you use it to belittle?
If ears were meant for hearing,
How can you always close them?
If hands were meant for holding,
How can you use them to punish?
If hearts were meant for loving,
How can yours be so cold?
If you have eyes,
Don't I have them too?
If you have a mouth,
Doesn't she have one too?
If you have a nose,
Doesn't he have one too?
If you have hands,
Doesn't your enemy have a pair too?
If you have a heart,
Doesn't everyone?
They do.
What a Picture is Worth
Feeling sad and lonely one day,
I decided to take a walk down memory lane.
So I opened the covers of my photo album
And my tears I could not contain.
I saw myself as a young child,
So blinding to the reality of life.
I was so happy and energetic then,
Without any worries or strife.
I saw myself as a teenager,
Going out to parties and having fun.
I remembered the energy, youth and happiness,
And the adventure I thought had just begun.
Then I saw the park where I met my first love,
Yes I remember, what a wonderful day!
The magical haze that surrounds couples,
Had sent all my cloudy days away.
Ah, a picture of my wedding day,
One of the happiest days I had.
The joining of me and my husband--
A brand new chapter of life to add.
The new house we had struggled to buy,
Was captured in that old worn out book,
I reached out to rest my hand on that pictures,
And as tears came down I tried to not look.
Oh look, there's me and my new baby,
In the hospital bed I laid.
The first cries of my little Kirsten,
Made the rest of the world seem to fade.
But suddenly, here's a picture of her day of wed,
I felt sorrow and happiness at the same time.
No, I had never learned to let go,
She will always be a baby of mine.
But no, here's my husband's funeral.
I don't want to relieve this once more,
For he is gone now, and is never returning,
That is something that I shouldn't ignore.
I don't want to remember these moments of days' past,
For they can never come back, they're gone.
My life is nearly over now,
For what reason do I always carry on?
I force myself to turn the page,
Although my heart has already sank.
The next part of the album reveals
A number of pages that are blank.
I stare down at the empty pages,
The ones without pictures, the ones that are bare.
But then I suddenly realize
I have more life to live to put more there.
My life is not over yet,
There's plently left to take.
I'll cherish every one of my memories,
but there's still more that I can create.
I put my photo album down,
And headed out the door.
I'm not going to waste one single precious moment,
And I left with my camera once more.
For the Top of the Hill...
The sun was just setting that sixteenth of June,
Americans knew of their mission.
They were to follow as orders and keep those old
British from leaving under any condition.
Americans were put on Bunker, then Breed's Hill,
Digging their trenches before dawn.
"Dig for your lives!" Colonel Prescott cried,
Or their chances of victory would be gone.
General Howe spotted the American troops,
And led his own troops across the rough plains,
Oh, what hardships they had with hurdles to match,
In the hot sun, I would surely complain!
American hearts were beating loudly,
And what commanders said next was wise.
For they had little gunpowder,
"Don't shoot 'till you see the whites of their eyes!"
Trudging 125 pounds,
The British were certainly tired.
As the British tried to go up the hill,
Americans quickly aimed and fired.
Twice the British tried to take the hill,
And twice they had to retreat.
But that strong and tough British army,
Knew better than to announce defeat.
The British army finally got to the top of both hills,
With 1,000 wounded or dead.
Only 400 Americans were lost that day,
So the U.S. still came out ahead.
The Battle of Bunker Hill proved,
That America would be ready for more.
Although this was a very fierce battle,
It was only one in the Revolutionary War.
Dare to Discover
There's a world out there waiting for you,
it's there for you to take,
Open your hands and your mind,
Don't pass it, stay wide awake.
An enormous pile of treasures,
Things to find and to explore.
Each with their own special quality,
That will never give you a bore.
Follow the topic that thrills you most,
Then go beyond of what you know.
There are things still left to be found,
Find an alternative to "I don't know."
Why not make your life exciting,
Feed your curiosity.
Expand your mind and knowledge,
Take it to the highest velocity.
Experience it yourself,
Fly a rocket to the moon.
Take an undersea adventure,
Predict and monitor monsoons.
There are just no limits in discovery,
Just be sure determinations' there.
The rewards are always endless,
So DISCOVER... IF YOU DARE!
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